"Enjoy Every Moment!"

I think that most people who say phases like this to new moms are probably well-intentioned, but it actually sets us up for feeling guilty when we can’t or don’t “enjoy every moment.” I’m not sure where this unrealistic standard came from, but I want to let other mamas know that if you haven’t enjoyed every single part of new motherhood, you’re not alone.

I found myself reeling from the realities of postpartum, for which I felt utterly unprepared (see previous blog post entitled “Oxygen Mask”). I felt terrible when I realized about three weeks into my little one’s life that I had only smiled at him a few times. I was happy and proud that he made it into the world, but I was also exhausted, confused, and worried. I missed feeling like I could move about my life with ease and was struggling with recognizing myself in my new identity as a mom. I was also feeling disappointed that motherhood didn’t come as naturally to me as I assumed it would. Seeing messages like “enjoy every moment” or “you’ll miss this one day” only made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

I also felt guilty for wishing for our little one to grow up faster so that we could get out of the newborn phase. I didn’t want to take this time for granted, but it was sometimes helpful to picture him as being a little more independent and able to tell me what he needed. However, I realized that with every new stage, there would inevitably be new challenges. It feels a little overwhelming to consider what every new stage might bring, so I try to remember that I will grow alongside my baby and become more confident in how to care for him. It also helps to remind myself that no one phase lasts forever!

Instead of vague inspirational sayings about how special this time is, let’s work to include the challenging parts so that moms who are struggling don’t feel so alone. I am working on appreciating and enjoying where my little one is now, while also trying not to feel as guilty on the days when things feel especially hard and I’m dreaming of what’s to come.