Superhero Trope

Moms aren’t superhuman, we’re super human. Read that again.

There are definitely times when everything clicks into place and the baby naps at the right times, or I get my entire to-do list done one-handed, and I feel invincible. And it’s important to celebrate those moments, mama! What I’m talking about is when moms are portrayed as superheroes, which sets us up for failure and ignores the fact that it’s okay to be human.

While it’s important to ride that wave when things are going well, it’s just as important to acknowledge your human-ness when things get hard. If we fall into the trap of feeling like we must be superhuman and have all the answers, we will feel as though we are doing something wrong when we have a bad day (or week…or month). Becoming a mother has been more challenging for me than I could have ever predicted, which shocked me. I expected that I would easily take on sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, crying spells, dirty diapers, and everything else that would come my way as a new mom. After all, it’s what moms do, right?

In reality, I struggled to process the trauma of my birth experience, accept that my body was healing so I physically couldn’t keep up with the housework, understand my baby’s schedules for eating and sleeping, acknowledge that I sometimes needed a break from my baby, and figure out my new identity as a mother while still trying to feel like myself. I knew that some women/birthing people have difficulties postpartum, but I didn’t expect to be one of them. I didn’t even know the depths of what that meant until I was living it.

When there is the expectation that moms will just take on everything and do it perfectly, it leaves us feeling broken when we can’t and ashamed when we need to ask for help. I have always wanted to be a mother and was disappointed, confused, and angry when it didn’t seem to come naturally to me. I only remember one moment during my pregnancy in which I felt unsure of what would happen once the baby was born, and I quickly shrugged it off. I didn’t think to try to prepare for postpartum changes because I just assumed I would be able to handle it. That’s the danger of the superhero trope. It doesn’t take into account that all the struggles are what make us human; pieces that make up the whole. It should be celebrated and expected that we will lean on our partners and/or our village, not scorned. Moms don’t need to be an island doing everything on our own. It’s healthy and necessary to ask for help.